


Dick in a Box

by OnceUponAGalaxyFarFarAway



Series: Stormpilot Advent Calendar [15]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Holiday themed dick jokes, I wrote this at 1am, M/M, christmas gifts, literal trash, snl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8908000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponAGalaxyFarFarAway/pseuds/OnceUponAGalaxyFarFarAway
Summary: Finn needs to figure out what to get his husband for Christmas. Rey makes an unhelpful suggestion.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some silly idea I had after the SNL Christmas Special.

“I don’t know what to get Poe for Christmas!”  Finn wailed, flopping dramatically onto the couch while Rey watched him.

“Christmas is in three days.  You haven’t even gotten Poe a gift? You're married to him for God's sake!” 

“Shut up, Rey. Have you gotten Jess a gift?”

“Hell yeah I have.”

Rey raised his hand, acting like she was in a classroom.  Finn nodded at her and she grinned in the evil way that only she could pull off.

“You know what you should give him?”

“What?”  Rey stood up, took a deep breath, and loudly said:

“Your dick in a box!”

Finn frowned, even as she started to laugh.  This wasn't very helpful, because he did need help.

“No, I'm not gonna do that.”

“Aw, come it's easy.  There are three simple steps.”

Rey stood up, and in a deep voice, said, “One”

“Cut a hole in the box.” She traced a circle in the air.

“Two,”

“Put yo junk in that box,” Rey made an obscene gesture.

“Three,”

“Make him open the box.” She finally finished, posing.

Finn rolled his eyes. “If you have any ideas that would be helpful, let me know.  I’ll be internet shopping in my room. And from now on, no more SNL. Before I know it, it'll be Thanksgiving, and you'll be trying to convince me to buy that clear gravy for the turkey.”

Ignoring her complaints and protests, he headed up to his room, scanning Amazon for anything he could get Poe.

\----

Nothing.  Finn had found nothing, and he was starting to eye a box in the corner of the room with resignation.  He sighed and rolled off the bed, snatching up the box, a pair of scissors, and a ruler.  Once he finished his measurements, he traced a circle and started to cut it out.  The door opened, and he froze, looking up.  Rey was staring at him, raising an eyebrow.  Suddenly Finn was very aware of the fact that his fly was down.  Neither of them said anything, just staring at each other. 

“Will it fit?”  

“Yeah, I measured.”  

“Okay, that’s good.  It’d be awkward if you cut a hole that was too big for your, ahem, jingle bells.”

“What if the hole ended up being too small?”

“Nah, that wouldn’t happen.  You overestimate everything.  I wouldn’t be surprised if you overestimated the size of your garland.”

They stared at each other some more, and then Finn started laughing, Rey following shortly after, laughing until they were both in fetal positions, cackling like hyenas.  Finally they sat up, wiping tears from their eyes.

“Jingle bells, garland...  Just say dick, for god’s sake.”  Rey snickered and then tried to get serious.

“Right, well.  I actually came in here for a reason, not just to make innuendos.  I was actually talking with Jess, and according to her, Poe’s been dying for this vintage Star Trek t-shirt, which he hasn’t been able to get.  Jess sent me the link, so I can send it to you.”  Finn nodded, glad that he had finally found something. “So, now that I've been helpful, do I have my SNL privileges back?” she added, sticking out her bottom lip and making puppy dog eyes at him. 

Finn knew she was teasing, no matter what he said, she would watch SNL just as much as she wanted, and since his restriction hadn't even been that serious to begin with, he sighed and nodded. “Yes, you can still watch SNL, you know I don't care.”

Rey whooped and fist pumped the air before going to leave the room, adding, “And if you ever slam one of those skits, just remember, even though I suggested it, you're the one who has a circle cut out of a gift box.”

She left Finn to think about that with a little wave and a smirk, and he got to work on pulling up the link and ordering the shirt. 

Three days later, on Christmas morning, everyone was exchanging gifts and talking. Poe had been absolutely delighted by the t-shirt, and Finn was equally thrilled with the set of vintage Black Panther comics, setting them aside and making sure they were completely protected from any danger that could befall them.

Later that day, Poe and Finn were draped on top of one another, Christmas specials playing in the background. 

“I'm glad you liked your gift,” Poe murmured. “For some reason, this year, for the life of me, I could not figure out what to get you.”

Finn nodded. “Same here, actually. I was cutting it pretty close.” he chuckled. “Actually, Rey tried to help me, but all she did was make it worse.”

Poe smiled and shook his head. “What, did she suggest that I put my dick in a box like Jess did?”

Finn stared. “Actually, that's exactly what she did.” for a moment they looked at each other, both fighting off laughter, before Finn exclaimed, loud enough so Jess and Rey could hear: “No more SNL gift ideas!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm accepting requests!


End file.
